White Lines
by BreakingSuperLock
Summary: She always thought that when the end came, it would be brought by a bomb or a bullet. Not breast cancer.
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings. I really should not be doing this, because I am a professional procrastinator who will struggle to update regularly. Anyway, I have recently become re-obsessed with EO after six or seven years away from the fandom, and this little idea came to mind. Right now, it's just a prologue. I have the next chapter and a half written, so hopefully life doesn't stop me from finishing!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own SVU. The title is snagged from the song Fast Cars by Bon Jovi. I'll be sticking some lyrics in here a little later in the story, so it'll make more sense then.**

 **Enjoy!**

Life had a funny way of getting in the way of things.

For twenty-five years Olivia had poured everything in her into her career. She would never regret that. No matter how many times a case hit too close to home or a bullet took out a loved one, she would never regret it.

People weren't kidding when they said time flew. If Olivia closed her eyes and thought, it seemed that only yesterday she was the junior detective riding shotgun with Elliot, planning their next move. Twelve years soared by, bringing with them laughter and loss. No matter how many times they butted heads, the understanding and trust they developed formed the strongest relationship Olivia had ever had.

The moment she learned Elliot had put in his retirement papers early, she felt as if the rug had been jerked from beneath her feet. Without a goodbye Elliot had left everything behind. Phone calls went to voicemail, letters returned undeliverable. All she knew was he moved out of Kathy's house, talking only to his children and leaving his career behind.

In the years that passed, shock faded to hurt, which gave way to anger. She would never forget the fateful day that forced Elliot to put a bullet through a teenage girl. But how could he have been so selfish as to not even utter a goodbye? Had twelve years meant so little to him that he couldn't answer a single call from her?

Even when Elliot separated from Kathy the first time, Olivia didn't make a move. He was hurting, and she never wanted to hurt him. Maybe a part of her always hoped he would be the one to make a move, but a sudden pregnancy and Elliot's loyalty took that chance away. Maybe she never did bury the feelings she promised herself she had tucked away for good.

Time flew. Eventually Olivia realized she couldn't waste the rest of her life harboring anger and blame. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be a mother. She had already waited too long to settle down and have a baby of her own.

As she thought about that, Olivia drew her little boy closer as she read him a story.

Peter Rabbit. Noah loved being read to. His tiny fingers touched the illustrations as Olivia read warmly, her lips softly brushing against his curly head when she reached the last word of the book. With a smile she gently tucked the two-year-old into the crib he would be outgrowing before she knew it.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she whispered, smoothing his hair back before she crept out of the room. She lingered in the doorway for just a moment before turning the lights off.

Noah was the best thing that ever happened to her. With him, her life was complete. The sweet boy gave her every reason to live the best life she could. She learned how to balance her work so she wouldn't miss out on watching Noah grow up. He gave her a reason to fight, someone to go home to. Whenever she found herself in harm's way, the thought of Noah empowered her to make sure he didn't lose his mother to some scumbag.

Even so, she always imagined that when the end came, it would be brought by a bullet or a bomb.

A sigh escaped her lips as she quietly padded into the kitchen and unfolded the packet of papers on her counter.

Yes, she always thought she would go down in the line of duty.

Not to breast cancer.

 **Review, please! I'm still getting used to writing SVU again. Next up: we see what ol' Elliot is up to.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! Thank you for the reviews!**

 **Disclaimer: Again, I do not own SVU or the lyric White Lines from Bon Jovi's Fast Cars.**

* * *

Going back to the city always slapped him in the face with regret.

That's why Elliot avoided it as much as possible. It was easy enough. Kathy had moved outside of the city with Eli, and all of Elliot's older kids were grown. As painful as it was, the city was a magnet that wanted to draw him back in.

Not a day passed that he didn't regret his decision. But it was too late to change his mind. After so long, trying to contact anyone he had been so close to would only cause them more pain.

Or would it? Elliot wasn't entirely sure sometimes. He just tried to forget about it and enjoy his retirement. He enjoyed the little time he had with Eli, tried to find ways to occupy himself, and that was about it. Maybe he knew in his heart that he would never be truly content again, because he had screwed of all up by turning in his gun and badge that day.

Now Elliot found himself back in the city, even if just for the day for Dickie (Richard, he had to remind himself) and Elizabeth's college graduation. He and Kathy were civil enough. They hadn't spoken since the divorce, but neither of them wanted to ruin the day for their kids.

And it was a great day. Elliot grinned with pride as he watched his twins collect their diplomas. Kathy's parents held a cookout at their house to celebrate, but Elliot didn't go. He hugged his kids and left with the promise of celebrating at his apartment on the weekend.

After sitting in university traffic for an hour, Elliot finally managed to leave the campus. He drove for a while, stopping for a burger and coffee at a little cafe he and Olivia had been to countless times. Maybe a small part of him hoped he would run into her, but then he remembered how hurt and angry she would be, and he was decided it was for the best when he didn't see her.

Elliot drove for a while, his heart sinking a little as he passed Central Park, the shops, and the schools.

The precinct.

His breath caught in his throat. Even four years later he knew the route to the precinct by heart. His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he drove, glancing in the rear view mirror. Slowly the precinct slipped out of sight, just as it had that day he left work for the last time.

He was a fool. Everything seemed untouched, almost as if it had been waiting for him to come back. A smile tugged at his lips as he thought of nights spent on stakeouts, talking to Olivia for hours about nothing.

How many times had they taken down peeps on these very streets? No matter how hard Elliot tried to hate the filthy cesspool of a city, he would never forget the good memories he had there.

He needed groceries, so he stopped at a store that didn't look too crowded. He parked and went inside, grabbing a buggy. Elliot perused the aisles, grabbing food and household supplies.

As he was turning to leave the detergent aisle, he stopped when another shopping cart rounded the corner.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see-" The woman's words caught in her throat as she faced him. "Elliot."

Elliot's breath hitched as he took in his former partner and best friend. For a moment he forgot why he left. Finally he managed, "Liv." Unable to take his eyes off of her, he gaped foolishly, glancing briefly from her to the curious toddler sitting in the buggy.

Olivia's heart beat violently as she stared back at him, his eyes just as blue and beautiful as she remembered. Her grip tightened on the shopping cart handles. Of all the people she expected to run into at the grocery store, Elliot Stabler was the last.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked, the words falling tensely from her lips. Four years of no contact and now Elliot just happened to be in the same grocery aisle?

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat. "The twins graduated from NYU today. I promised them we'd do something this weekend, so I thought I'd get some stuff."

"Oh." Olivia nodded slightly. The longer she stood there so close to him, the harder it became to understand just how she felt. Part of her wanted to yell, to swear and demand to know why it was to easy for him to just walk out of her life. Another part wanted to draw him closer and refuse to let him go.

"So..." Elliot paused for a long moment, his eyes shifting from Olivia to Noah. "Who's this little guy?"

Olivia brushed a stray curl out of Noah's face. "My son. Noah."

Elliot smiled a little at that. "Yeah?" He remembered all the times he had tried to talk her into becoming a mother. The tenderness in her brown eyes when she looked down at her son told him that he was right all along; she would be a wonderful mom.

"Yeah. He's almost three." Olivia swallowed hard and tried to smile. Four years, and now they stood so close that she was taking in his familiar smell of coffee and aftershave. And it hurt. Inhaling sharply, she grabbed the handles of the buggy again. "Well, El, it's... it's nice to see you. But I need to get Noah home."

"Right." He nodded. "Of course." How could he have expected her to want to stay and talk as if they'd only seen each other yesterday? "Goodbye."

Olivia froze slightly as she walked away. The word, though spoken kindly, carried with it a sting. Nodding again, she gritted out a goodbye of her own, checked out, and left the store.

* * *

You were supposed to avoid stress when you were sick.

If only it were that easy. As Olivia sat in the oncologist's office, letter in her hand, all she could think of was her encounter with Elliot the previous evening. Perhaps she had been wrong to be so cold, but she had always hoped they would reunite purposefully.

Not by chance in the detergent aisle of the grocery store.

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and skimmed through the paper in her hand again. Two weeks ago she was in the shower when she found a lump on her left breast. Now she held the results that declared the lump was malignant. Other than that, Olivia knew nothing about its severity or progression.

All she knew that was whatever this was, she had to fight it. She had Noah to worry about, and she'd be damned if she surrendered to this and left him without a mom.

Finally a nurse called her back. Olivia followed her down a hallway and into a private exam room.

"Hi, Ms. Benson. I'm Rebecca. Dr. Malone will be with you shortly," she introduced. "I see you were here last week for a mammogram."

Olivia nodded. "Yes. The results showed a malignancy in my left breast."

"Dr. Malone will be conducting further tests today to determine the severity of that. For now, would you mind rolling up your sleeve so I can take a blood sample?"

Nodding tightly, Olivia rolled up her sleeve. She let the nurse draw a few vials of blood, then waited when Rebecca left the room. She absently thumbed through a magazine, setting it down when the door opened.

"Hello, Ms. Benson. I'm Dr Malone. I'll be handling your case."

Olivia shook her hand. "Call me Olivia. And thank you."

Dr. Malone sat down and opened Olivia's file. "Last week you came in to examine a lump on your left breast, so we did a mammogram. The mammogram revealed two smaller malignancies that you probably can't feel yet, one in each breast."

Olivia inhaled sharply. "What does this mean?"

"We need to conduct further testing. Blood work, a breast biopsy, and an MRI so we can know the type of breast cancer and the stage. Once those results are in, which would take about a week, we can know where to start with treatment. Fortunately, most breast cancers have a good prognosis."

Most.

"Of course. When can we do the tests?"

"Today. It'll take a few hours, but you'll be able to go home today and resume normal activities until we have your results."

And with that began a seemingly endless cycle of scans and needle pricks. They sent Olivia home with the promise that she would be called by the end of the week. Saying a quick goodbye to the staff who had tended to her, Olivia left the building.

She had taken a sick day, so she went directly home, desperate to see her son.

* * *

 **To be continued.**

 **Please leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Thanks for the reviews!**

 **Disclaimer: SVU doesn't belong to me. If it did, Chris Meloni would've been prohibited from leaving, or he would've at least gotten a decent farewell. I'm still salty almost eight years later**

* * *

After running into Olivia at the store that day, Elliot tried to stay home.

But now, the guilt and longing he thought he had buried bubbled to the surface, screaming at him to go back to Manhattan. For two weeks he ignored it, but on a sunny Saturday evening he found himself walking up the steps of Olivia's apartment complex. What the hell was he thinking, showing up at her door when he was probably the last person she wanted to see?

Swallowing hard, Elliot found her apartment door. He pressed the doorbell and waited.

When Olivia heard the doorbell, she set aside the book she was reading. Instinctively she holstered her gun and peered through the peephole on the door. Of all the people she expected to be on the other side, Elliot was the last. She had figured that their run-in at Walmart two weeks ago had been the last she would ever see or hear of him. Scowling slightly, she opened the door.

"Elliot, why are you here?" she demanded.

Elliot didn't respond right away. If he were completely honest with himself, he didn't have an answer for that. He had no business expecting Olivia to welcome him with open arms after the shit he had pulled. "I just... thought I'd drop by. It's been on my mind since the other week."

Olivia's eyes turned sharp. "But dropping by wasn't on your mind for four years."

Elliot ran a hand through his short hair. "Liv, I'm... I'm sorry."

"Well, it's a little too late for that." Either way, Olivia finally stepped aside and didn't try to shoo him out when he stepped into the apartment.

"I know." Elliot lingered near the door and fell silent when Olivia shut it. She wasn't slamming the door in his face, and he guess that was a good sign. Still, the tension enveloping them suffocated him for a long moment before he finally spoke again. "I'm an ass for taking off like that."

Olivia sat on the couch, thankful that a throw blanket hid the pamphlets from her doctor's office. "Yes, you are."

He deserved that. Elliot stood for several moments before he sat down in an armchair across from the couch. On the floor sat a Tonka trunk with a stuffed rabbit sprawled on top of it. "When did this happen?"

"I adopted Noah almost a year ago."

Elliot looked around, seeing traces of the toddler everywhere. Framed photographs, toys, blankets. "I'm happy for you."

Olivia nodded softly before setting her gaze on her former partner. "Elliot, I'm not sure how I feel about you being here," she admitted. "I tried dozens of times to call you. I had to find out from Kathy that you moved."

He grimaced. "That was shitty of me. When I retired, I did whatever I could trying to leave everything behind."

"Including me." Olivia leaned forward, venom creeping into her voice. "Twelve years, Elliot. You threw away thirteen years." Behind the twelve of her voice lingered something Elliot couldn't quite identify. Sadness? Fondness?

"I know."

"I know you were overwhelmed with guilt when you left. But I could have helped you! You didn't have to cut me out of your life."

Elliot inhaled sharply. "I didn't mean to do that."

Olivia snorted. "Oh, so you just forgot to call or visit? Okay. Don't even try making excuses. You dropped twelve years like it was nothing:"

"Come on, Liv, you know it wasn't that easy!" he argued.

"It sure seemed like it to me! You couldn't even be bothered to tell me goodbye on your way home that night!" Olivia snapped. "I didn't even know you retired until Cragen told me!"

"Liv, I-"

Glaring, Olivia held a hand up. "Don't try to justify it, Elliot. I worried about you every night for years! About whether you were okay, how you were handling things. And you didn't even give a damn when you walked out of my life."

Elliot scowled. "You know that's not true."

"If it's not true, then why is this the first time we've spoken since that day?"

"It's... it's difficult, Liv. I guess I thought it would be easier to try to put everything behind me."

"Just cut the crap." Olivia let out an angry sigh and glared at him. With every silent second that passed, she tried to enkindle anger. The more she tried, and the longer she stared at Elliot's blue eyes piercing back at her, the harder it became. Finally she let the tension escape slowly from her shoulders. "I'm... I'm glad you're here," she whispered. "I want to hate you and tell you to get out, but I can never stay mad at your sorry ass."

That pulled a dry chuckle from him. "You never could." Elliot leaned a little closer. "And I need you to know that I'm sorry. I know you don't wanna hear that, but I need to say it. What I did was wrong, and I should've talked to you instead of throwing away the best thing I ever had."

For the longest time, neither of them spoke. Elliot gazed at his partner, studying her closely. Time had aged her beautiful face gracefully. Her eyes were still the same deep brown orbs that he had always known. She looked tired, but he didn't expect much else when he had shown up at her door unannounced at night.

"How have things been?" he finally asked quietly.

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair. "It's been a... challenging few years. But I got Noah out of them. That's all that matters."

He didn't miss the way the corners of her lips turned upwards. "I always knew you'd make a great mom. I'm glad you finally did it."

"Yeah, me too. It wasn't easy, but that little boy is everything to me."

Elliot wanted to ask if he could see him, but he didn't want to push his luck. "That's good to hear."

For the next half hour they exchanged small talk. Finally Olivia yawned. "El, before you go, I need to ask you something."

The sound of his old nickname gave him hope. "Shoot."

"How can I know that after tonight, you won't just go back home and I won't hear from you again?"

"I guess I don't know if I can make you believe me," he admitted. "But I'm promising you that I'm not making the same mistake again. It's... it's been good talking to you again."

Olivia could only hope he kept his word.

* * *

 **To be continued.**

 **Please review!**


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